Washington, January 9: Today, in an unexpected eruption of bipartisan spirit, both houses of Congress overwhelmingly passed the Young Adult Dependency Aid Act and sent the bill to the President for his signature.
The bill would create mandatory indentured servitude for all Americans aged 18 to 21, unless they are serving in the Armed Forces. “These young people need to be carefully supervised and regulated,” said Rep. Clyde Clophopper (R-TX), one of the sponsors of the bill. “We’ve already banned them from drinking, smoking or vaping. Vermont is even talking about banning cellphone use by them. So Congress says, ‘Let’s go whole hog! We’ll manage every facet of their lives, and then they won’t have to worry about themselves and we won’t have to worry about them.'”
Rep. Rain Flower Waskowicz (D-CA), another sponsor, explained that passing the bill didn’t happen without some controversy. “Many in my party weren’t too happy about the exception for military service. We aren’t very comfortable with the Armed Forces. But when the Republicans agreed to include a requirement that these young people vote in every election and also to study lowering the voting age to 12, we were able to bring many members of my party on board.”
The provisions of the bill require that all young Americans who are not members of the Armed Forces serve a mandatory indenture with some department of the Federal Government from their 18th until their 21st birthdays. While serving, they will be fed a healthy diet featuring subsidized grain and dairy products, and be housed in special barracks-like camps, to be built outside major cities by union labor under prevailing wage rules. As part of the implementation, the Federal Government will hire almost one million matronly women to serve as “housemothers” for the living units to supervise every aspect of the young people’s lives and to provide a “home-like feeling.”
Funding for the new program has yet to be settled. Waskowicz said that it will be covered by “soaking the rich,” while Clodhopper said that it would be paid for by cuts to Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid. Expert observers predicted that it would in fact be funded with higher deficits and more debt, just like every other spending program Congress passes these days. President Trump was expected to sign the bill into law within the week.
Now, of course, the above is “fake news.” Except for the part about banning smoking, vaping, and drinking. And the part about Vermont debating a law to ban cellphones for people under 21. Yes, boys and girls, the Nanny State is alive and well, and living in both legacy parties. And both parties are insisting that young adults are too immature to make these decisions for themselves, while both also insist that they are plenty mature enough to decide to risk their lives in combat, and to vote on the leadership of the country. The inconsistency of these views is apparently lost on them. As one who values Liberty above all, I believe that if they’re mature enough to do some (and most of them certainly are), then they’re mature enough to decide whether or not to do any or all.