GOVERNOR INSTITUTES NEW BORDER PATROL

(COLUMBUS, April 13) In furtherance of his executive order requiring liquor sellers in the six Ohio counties adjacent to Pennsylvania to require Ohio-issued IDs from all customers, Gov. Mike DeWine issued another order creating the Ohio Border Patrol. The Patrol will be charged with monitoring the state line between Ohio and Pennsylvania and arresting anyone attempting to violate or circumvent his orders.

The new Patrol will set up mandatory checkpoints at the state line on all major and secondary roads that cross the line between the two states. Minor roads will be blocked with cement roadblocks preventing passage until the conclusion of the current crisis. All vehicles crossing the line will be stopped and their drivers and riders questioned. The Patrol will then have the power to search any vehicle which they suspect might be carrying liquor to Pennsylvania which was bought in Ohio in defiance of the governor’s orders. Those found transporting liquor against orders will be subject to arrest and may be held in protective quarantine until the present emergency is declared to be over.

Civil rights groups are already lining up to challenge the governor’s original order requiring Ohio ID’s, claiming the order violates the opening clause of the US Constitution, Article IV, Section 2, which reads “The citizens of each state shall be entitled to all privileges and immunities of citizens in the several states.” A spokesperson for the governor’s office, I.B. Podlyj, said the governor isn’t concerned. “Gov. DeWine believes that he can do anything he wants to secure the safety and security of Ohioans during this crisis, whether it makes any sense or not,” Podlyj said. “This is no time to worry about the Constitution or rights or anything like that.”


The above piece is SATIRE, of the author’s invention. The executive order requiring IDs is true, and the Constitutional citation is accurate, but the rest is fiction.

It is most unfortunate that we live in such “interesting times” according to the proverbial Chinese curse, that without a disclaimer like this, a few people might be caught believing this to be fact. But the shame in this is not that some people might be gullible enough to believe this, but that we have let our elected officials get away with so much that abuse such as this doesn’t seem completely incredible. This was all too true before the COVID-19 outbreak, but it has grown unchecked to a truly astounding degree since it started.

The time to begin resisting is now, before our rulers decide to push the envelope even further. We must now remember, and take to heart, Benjamin Franklin’s quote about those who would sacrifice liberty, or our only option will be Thomas Jefferson’s quote about the Tree of Liberty.

2 thoughts on “GOVERNOR INSTITUTES NEW BORDER PATROL”

  1. I can’t believe state resources are being spent on such nonsense. Appreciate you keeping us updated and informed! I’m a small business owner….although I’m no longer in Ohio, I love staying informed. Being vigilant about our rights is so important!!

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